I’d planned to write about how when I fly between France and the States, I always fly from Paris, even though Barcelona is much closer. (We are literally three villages away from Spain.) This is expensive and time-consuming, but I do it anyway because I’m an unrepentant Francophile who just likes Paris better. Of course, this is the very definition of privilege. Even though I buy a second-class train ticket, stay in the very reasonably priced Citizen M, and entertain myself by watching French reality TV while eating a jambon beurre and Diet Coke (eight euros, at Paul), it’s still a lark.
I wanted to write about saying yeah, no, not happening to logic, and why you should get in the habit of doing stuff for no other reason than because it pleases you. Then I got side-tracked by my birthday and the profound (to me, anyway) realization that there’s something really great about getting older that is seldom mentioned: you know how to get better at stuff. You know how, because you’ve done it a hundred times by now. You know what works for you, so you can get to it faster and more efficiently. That’s not nothing, friends!
In my 60s, much to my surprise, I’ve become an expert air traveler. For most of my life I’ve had a massive fear of flying. At the boarding gate I would scan everyone’s faces to see if they looked like the type of person whose death was imminent. Was it better or worse if a priest was on board? Once we were in the air, I never closed my eyes, convinced the plane would fall from the sky if I so much as blinked. Long haul flights were the worst: have you ever tried using your mind to keep a plane in the air for nine hours?
Then we moved to France. If I wanted to stay in the lives of my most precious humans, many very long flights were in my future. I knew I that unless I figured out a way to make the whole travel experience less onerous, I would stroke out from all the stress.
How did I do it? First, I got used to it, and then I got good at it. I’ll leave it to you, clever readers, to draw the connection. No, never mind, I’ll draw it for you: It’s ridiculously old school, but one of the upsides of just sucking it up, is that if you’re patient, you soon find you don’t have to suck it up anymore.
Herewith, then, some tried-and-true tips for stress-free air travel:
If you need drugs, get drugs
I’ve yet to meet a doctor who won’t give you something for flying. My panic-slayer of choice is Xanax. I take a quarter of a .5 mg tablet an hour before boarding. If there is “unexpected rough air” (GAH), I take another quarter. Lately, I’ve forgotten to taken it altogether, but it’s good to know I have it if I need it.
When booking, pamper yourself as much as your pocketbook permits
The bulkhead seat in Delta Comfort is bigger than some New York apartments. I cannot recommend it enough.
It’s a task, not an adventure
Stay focused. There’s nothing interesting at the airport. No Clinique 30% off at the Duty Free is worth even a glance. Power on through.
No sugar, no booze
Purchase only water and a bag of nuts at the airport shop. Maybe a magazine. It breaks my heart to say this, but skip the Twizzlers.
Wear the most pajama-like outfit possible, without looking as if you’re in your actual pajamas.
Forgive me, but this is the result of having lived in France for awhile now. When grown-ups travel around here, they dress like grown-ups. Check out Pact for chic and comfy plane attire.
Pretend you’re a champion plane-sleeper
I cannot stress enough the power of self-delusion. Until recently I was one of those “I can never sleep on a plane” people. In saying that, to myself and others, I was reaffirming something that didn’t serve me. I had never even tried to sleep on a long haul flight! I just assumed that since I was keeping the plane up, I couldn’t afford to sleep on the job. But that was nonsense. I had a friend who was a statistician who set me straight, and I chose to go with the math. I could totally sleep if I set my mind to it.
I got myself tricked out like the long-haul flight boss I wanted to be. I bought this eye mask and this neck pillow (then upgraded to this one). After the flight was underway, I would eat the meal (skipping dessert), and after it was cleared away, I got myself arranged, including pulling the airplane-provided blanket up to my chin, and went to sleep. I literally said to myself, “look, here I am sleeping!” I was giddy with pride. The fact I wasn’t sleeping didn’t bother me, since the second-best thing to sleeping is sitting in the dark, tricking your brain into thinking it’s in the new time zone. I did some yoga-ish breathing, conjugated some French verbs, and lo and behold three hours later I awoke.
Dis-moi (tell me), dear readers, what dragons have you slayed in late mid-life? Forgive me for not being quite ready to admit to having entered my dotage. I hope this new book by Accidental Icon Lyn Slater can help lead the way!
Bisous,
Karen xx
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YES to all of this -- the fear, looking around the plane and the passengers and wondering if I could see these people on the evening news as victims of a crash; also did a LOT of back seat flying, once even wanted to run to the cockpit and make sure the pilots saw the planes out there.
YES, in the last year, finally have a little something-something to soften the spikes of panic (Xanax), and just knowing it's there now turns the drudgery of travel into a complete adventure, from the drop off at the airport to my arrival. And, the comfort without looking like you're in your PJs and carrying a pillow, ick. So refreshing, thank you!
For 5 years I flew back and forth from PDX to Boston, as well as all over the US and world for work. I was never super nervous about flying, bit the book "Cockpit Confidential" put an end to any anxiety once and for all.
https://bookshop.org/p/books/cockpit-confidential-everything-you-need-to-know-about-air-travel-questions-answers-and-reflections-patrick-smith/10953648?ean=9781492663966
"A fascinating fear of flying book from a commercial airline pilot and author of the popular website askthepilot.com.
•How planes fly, and a revealing look at the men and women who fly them
•Straight talk on turbulence, pilot training, and safety
•The real story on congestion, delays, and the dysfunction of the modern airport
•The myths and misconceptions of cabin air and cockpit automation"